Emeril for Dummies
by snowprincess
Summary: Lorelai is in a cooking mood


Title: Emeril for Dummies

Author: Snowprincess

Rating: G

Summary: Lorelai is in a cooking mood.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, NOTHING I tell you!

Author's Note: I am still working on The Truth of Concepts-- I've just hit a plot snag and am waiting for some inspiration.

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The table looked like a disorganized war zone. Mountains of suppplies were stacked up along with the instruments in order to make them useful in piles so high a slight breeze put them precariously close to falling onto the floor and creating more of a mess. Bottles and boxes and bowls and spoons were everywhere. Lorelai glared at the mess and reminded herself as to why she was doing this; the reason being not a few blocks down serving food to others. She was not a cooker; Max wasn't kidding when he had said she was a danger to the process, and she would swear by God that she had almost ruined the sauce that Luke had her stirring the night he discovered the joys of family. There was a valid reason as to why she made as much money as she did: she had to be able to afford to feed Rory at places that had people capable of cooking every day as well as invest in easily bakeable foods such as tater tots and Pop Tarts.

Except this was Luke's birthday dammit and she was going to cook him _soemthing_. Sookie had refused to give her the instructions necessary to cook him a whole meal on the grounds that she should start small before she attempted to burn the house down, and there was no way Luke would ever consider eating cake unless it was the only food left on the planet and his survival depended on it. The resulting plan was that Sookie would make a simple dinner full of all of the healthy things that Luke loved complemented with chicken so Lorelai wouldn't feel like she was completely going health-crazy, which she would bring over in the early afternoon and put in the oven for its final stages of cooking and all Lorelai had to do was pull it out of the oven, something she knew how to do sucessfully. Her task was something that she had to get done before Sookie came by.

Lorelai had to make muffins. And these weren't just any muffins, they happened to be Sookie's famous blueberry muffins, with the recipe written especially for Lorelai to accomodate her measuring deficiencies. And just to add a joke to the whole thing, she was making mini muffins in four different small pans, one for each of his birthdays (and some leftover for her to snack on while she waited for him to get back.) The idea had advantages along with that they would be bite size muffins and then Luke could eat one without feeling like he was causing an inevitable heart attack.

With a sigh she began mixing all of the raw materials the recipe called for and when, stopping once to make sure the oven was heating up and putting the four pans on top to eventually put the mix in. She began searching the table and muttering explisives when she couldn't find the lining sheets. "I must've left them at the inn, shoot."

Inspriation struck her at that moment and she found the bottle of cooking oil among the caked flour and bluberries on her table. Carefully she poured a small drop into each one of the muffin holes before closing the cap and putting the mix inside their cooking spots. The recipe called for a ten minute baking time and after she put each pan inside and set the timer she planted herself on a chair in front of the oven. _There's no way that I'm screwing these up, baby. Lorelai Gilmore is learning to cook, and then I'll have my own show like the Emeril or be on the DIY channel._

About five minutes into the cooking she noticed that something in the bottom of the oven was flashing orange. She concentrated on watching the bottom and realized that the oven was sparking. Lorelai shot up out of the chair faster than she thought she could have and opened the door, seeing to her horror what she hadn't imagined. When she had put the muffin mix into the holes, it pushed the oil to the top and now that the were beginning to rise, the oil was spilling out of the pans and onto the oven surface, where the hot burners were proceeding to make it spark, and now rolls of smoke were beginning to pour out the door. Visions of flames engulfing the house because of a little cooking oil prompted her to grab an oven mit and pull the pans out and then shut off the oven. She opened the back porch door to let the smoke out and coughed a little in blueberry haze.

Once glance at the stovetop told her that the muffins were ruined and she had used all the mix that Sookie had given her. The pans were going to be a greasy mess when they cooled down and the oven was going to need some serious detailing, but at least it wasn't sparking anymore since the heat was dying away. Her kitchen was a mess and she had smoke slowly filtering out the back door and engulfing the yard like a sick fog. Lorelai took all of this in before collapsing back in her chair and putting her head in her hands. She felt like such an idiot, and now the big plan for the evening was destroyed. Her eyes prickled and she felt tears coming on before she resolutely shut them out in anger. How dare those muffins not cook! How dare they burn and make a lot of smoke! How dare they show what an incompetent homemaker Lorelai Gilmore was!

The oven mit came back on and she proceeded to pick up one pan at a time and toss it out onto the back lawn. She didn't want it, and it most certainly didn't want her, so it could pay with some time outside. She angrily stomped about, putting what supplies she hadn't used up away in storage, probably not to be touched for years, and dumped all of the dirty dishes into the sink before wiping down the table. Cleaning the table reminded her of whom she had been trying to do this for and she felt tears come on again. The hour of work it took to mix everything together and make sure she had done it right had been destroyed within five minutes because she was an idiot even with Sookie's version of "Cooking for Dummies". Disgusted witht herself she flung the dishrag at the sink and wiped her face as she attempted to control herself, but Lorelai's gaze was drawn out the window where the rebel pans and their oil-sodden mix were lying.

In the distance she heard the door slam, "Lorelai!" Luke came around the corner breathing hard as if he had run there and surveyed the scene, "What the heck happened here? Babbette called me at the diner and said smoke was coming out of the house."

"Yeah well I wouldn't blame her for thinking there was a fire." Lorelai gestured to the back door, "Don't worry the threat is neutralized."

Luke furrowed his eyes in confusion before going out back to look for himself. "You were trying to cook?" He came back inside, dumbfounded, "You tried to cook."

"Uh-huh."

"Why?" Lorelai was shocked that he appeared generally confused.

"Because Sookie and I decided that you probably wouldn't want a cake and that muffins with her special recipe would be a better option, and it's your birthday and you shouldn't have to cook for other people since they should cook for you but since I can't cook Sookie gave me her "Muffins for Dummies" recipe," Lorelai pushed out in one breath. "Which then I did right up until the oil spilled out of the pan and started to catch fire in the oven hence the smoke and the local smoke detector-alerter." She began to pace the floor of the kitchen while he watched in wonder, "And I had this whole thing planned out, with Sookie making a special dinner for us to eat here and the muffins were going to be mini ones so you could have one for all of your birthdays since it was better than giving you a ton of candles and I was gonna give you your presents and make you wish for something and it was going to be perfect!"

"Lorela-"

"And what was I thinking that I could cook! You know me, I've never made anything from scratch in my life and here I am practically setting my kitchen on fire because I felt like doing what you do for a day."

Luke kept watching as she ranted about how she wanted to make his birthday something special and her lack of cooking abilities. It touched him that she wanted to learn part of a skill that wasn't natural to him just to make him happy. He couldn't have cared about the fact that she didn't exactly have the best success at it, he was just glad that she was alright for a good few minutes. When Babbette had phoned him she made it sound like the house was turning into a scene from Ladder 49 and his only thought was make sure Lorelai was out of the house. By the time he shook himself out of his amazed daze he saw that she was ranting about how dumb she was and that he should find someone who wasn't a closet blonde. The tears almost shocked him back into his amazed shell; she was really upset because she had burnt a batch of muffins?

Without a second thought he stepped forward and caught her mid-stride before pulling her into his arms. "Hey, calm down," he whispered, stroking her back while he felt her arms snake around his middle. Luke kissed the top of her head while she tried to hide her face in his neck. "It was an accident, and the house is fine, and you're fine," he reminded her softly. "Besides, I wouldn't have known what to wish for anyway." He pulled her back and cupped her face in his hands, "I already got what I spent the better part of the last few years worth of imaginary birthday candles on." He gave her a sweet kiss while he ran his thumbs over the skin of her cheeks.

When she pulled back and smiled softly he knew she was well on her way to feeling better. "Now, I have to go back to the diner, but you can still put on the rest of your surprise tonight. I'll even put on a surprised face."

"Really?"

He kissed her again and gave her a short squeeze before dropping his arms and heading towards the door.

"Hey Luke?" He turned back. "Do you wanna teach me how to cook someday?"

He smiled, "Lesson one: Don't set the house on fire."

Luke laughed and went out the door, leaving Lorelai with her hands on her hips and an angry pout.

THE END

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Before you ask, the muffin burning thing can happen-- it happened to me when I tried to do mini-muffins for my mom's bday.

RnR plz

Snow


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